I think my fart just growled at me.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
