i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
My legs feel like baby dolphins
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize