Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
