..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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