we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize