the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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