Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
