i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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