what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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