he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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