I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
