Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
