I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize