what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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