And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
