Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
