Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
