$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize