What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
