I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
