yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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