What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
