small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
