I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
