i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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