Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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