I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
