I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
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