shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
