I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
True strength comes from lack of pants
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
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