if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Randomize
