So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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