She went from zero to smokin in five shots
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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