you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Pants are for mortals
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
