Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
