I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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