Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
