i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
