Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I forget how to act sober
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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