I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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