I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
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