You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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