and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I supernannyed him into submission
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
