so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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