Heybabeimwearingurpanties
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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