I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize