Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I just forgot I was standing up.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
