OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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