i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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