Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
