When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
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