Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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