So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
