Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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