i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
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