tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I'm at about main and main street
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Randomize
