She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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