she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
