I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
sarcasm needs its own font
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
