Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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