well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
My vagina is very pro this idea
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
