I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
