I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
