and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
