Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
