My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
