Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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