My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
