i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
